Monday, April 20, 2009

Change / Trade it all


Have you ever felt love so bad, it made you hurt?

No not hurt like that, but like made you cry?
Cos the things that you want,
just isn’t good for you
And it doesn't bring out the best, just the worst in you
Yet you can't let it go,
cos your addicted so bad..
like a tap running water, you just can't keep it in

Cos things changed, without permission,
now your getting mad..
'And why won't he stay home!!!
What kind of man is that??'
'To leave his wife and kids to hang with Jackie D...!!
Now he's got spirits mixed and he's gotten so high'
"I'm about to knock him back down,
who does he think he's playing with!!"
See the fun times are over, and he's still playing games
"Well bring the mojo back, isn't that what a man's to do!!??"
'You see me caring for these kids, I haven't been sleeping all day!"
'That's for sure, cos you’re knocked out at night...'

Oh I can't believe he left, what kind of man is that??
A black man that's what...., 
Oh he makes me so mad!!!
If he was here now, I would kick out his ass
After all I’ve done for him
Put in time and weight...
Can't believe he changed on me
I didn't bargain for this!

So am packing out his things,
My baby girl says am pretty...
I haven't heard that in so long,
and I start reminiscing
Wondering why he never said that....bet he says it to Jackie D..
Then I see, I traded my looks just cos I became a Wife.
Didn't think I could handle both,
so I traded in my weaves...
Ain't got time for the salon, so I bought a couple of scarves, 
had to find a place to put them, so I kicked out my heels
see when your heavy you can't keep wearing those, better get some flip flops.
Traded in my figure, just cos my clothes couldn't fit 3 kids....
So I dressed up in your sweats,
even though I would never break a sweat...
"Please man, I ain't got time" I kept saying,  
"cos am cooking all your meals..."
How ironic that is, since you don't eat at home no more..
Cos things changed without my permission, 
now am getting sad :(
Cos I realised, 
I Changed..... without Your permission,
and now that's really bad..

...Guess am a black woman too...




©SweetestRuby 2009

Friday, April 17, 2009

Trust Keeper

He said i was his little princess
He said he'll take care of my every need
He said he'll protect me-
.... from nasty girls and silly boys ; till he found the one he'll give me away to.
He said he'll love me.

You said i was your queen
You said u'll give me all i ever wanted
You said u'll protect me-
.... from pain and hurt; i'd feel them never again
You said u'll love me

I trusted him. I believed him.
But before i was old enough to speak,
He left! He didn't hear my first words would be
'i love u too ....'
Then all his words turned to ash around me
And his promises just never existed
Time and grace where on my side and soon
they turned my pain into praise...

I began to see as though for the first time,
that though he wasn't there
at school shows and PTA meetings,
My Father was there, every step.
He knows my every thought and loves me unconditionally
He had promised to never leave me or forsake me,
And though i never knew it,
He never ever left my side.
He promised to be my Jehovah -Jireh
and i know i've never lacked
When i had a fever and wanted you to hold me
I felt Jehovah-Repheka and He healed all my pain
When i felt alone and couldn't find words to explain why,
Jehovah Shamah was there and He just sat with me

Then it hit me, i had wasted time and effort feeling down
Cos every time i called out ...'Daddy'....
You answered right back ...'I AM here'...
for Jehovah means Father to me.

You said you'll love me..
and yes i gave you my love
even more cos I trusted u. I believed u. 
Held on so tight to your promises,
i didn't notice it turn to ash in my own hands
Then the pain came rushing, banging at my door!!
Not knowing, let them in...
Now the tears you said you'll keep away
have made their bed in mine....

But still somehow i have hope
As my Father picks me up again,
I see that truely he is my strong tower
He would never leave me nor forsake me 
I put my trust in Him, and I have no worries

Now I know i am a Queen
Cos my Father is the King of kings
I know am on top of the world
Cos the earth is His footstool,
and he holds me in His hands.

Ruby Love xx

With Love x

Send me flowers
Send me candy
Send me diamonds
Send me shopping
But, send me nothing 
if you don't send it with Love

Let's go to Paris, the city of love
Let's go to Rome, to find our inner calling
Let's travel the world,  just us hand in hand
But let's not move an inch, if we don't go with Love

I'll follow you out of civilization
I'll follow you inspite of what i see
I'll follow wherever
But this is a.k.a slavery, if i don't follow with Love

I'll wait for you to dream ,
I'll wait till the war is over,
I'll wait even till am grey,
But my waiting would be in vain, if i don't wait with Love 

Ruby Love xx

Compromise

Compromise is a Prison!!
In Christ Jesus there is liberty.

I am going to stop searching for love,
for God who is Love lives in me.

I have spoken so many words,
Yet to him, i have said nothing
Though my thoughts run wild like a circus,
yet with him am like - Ok.. whatever
Whatever to prevent a fight
Whatever to avoid that debate
Whatever just not to talk
Whatever to be left alone..

I feel like there something missing
and if i turn and focus only on YOU
then u'll fill this void and i'll be OK again
Cos YOU love me , YOU want me...

But cos i don't see you, n i see him
I don't see you, but i hear his words...
Even though i know YOUR voice..!!
I listen......
he says he loves me...
he says he wants me...

And though i heard Your voice and know what Your love commands... i follow his.
..... You'll still forgive me right??.......

So after a nice chinese meal,
a beautiful movie with sides..
and some caring words.... he expects more~
More what??? more of me?
No, not my words .. now i don't have to talk?
'No babe' he says ' just act right'..
Is 'NO' not a show of my love?
'u've come this far..m might aswell finish the race'
' u know i love u babe right...'

Now am working out how much my dinner and movie costs...
to figure how much i have to pay back...
seems the maths doesn't add up..!
I hear YOUR voice again, much louder than before..
" I LOVE U.. I DIED FOR YOU.. EVEN WHEN U DIDNT KNOW ME..
MY LOVE IS FREE.. CHOOSE ME"

Compromise is a Prison.
Cos even though you know whats right,
you argue over what's wrong.
Compromise is a time stealer.
It drags you back through mountains you had climbed before.
Compromise shifts focus from God to the situation

It makes u feel ashamed and tells u u can't turn back
It makes you think you can get out by yourself
But you've run out of 'get out of jail free' cards,
and the bail is set.. its Blood.

Ruby Love xxx

So Deep

It's like trying to peek
through a brick window,
It's like drinking up the nile with a straw
It's like a blind-deaf at a football match
No no one can understand the depth of our Love. 

It's like the sun shinning while its raining
It's like having peace in the midst of confusion
It's the smallest things about you that make my day the greatest
No on one can understand the depth of our Love.

Ruby Love xx

My Uncommon

You stretched out your hand -
that i might never walk alone.
You gave me your shoulder-
that i might have rest.
You sent me kind words-
that made me smile 
You showed me safety, like our friendship would never end...

But why? Why u filled me with false hope... ill never understand
Oh yea, u might be a knight in shinning armour, 
but you are not mine.
So y did i allow myself to be turned
into that distressed dasmel?
For i was strong high up in my tower before you...

And now;

...as we all know most good things must come to an end...

Your hand is no where close
Your shoulder so cold with no room
Your words, far from your lips like east from the west

For i was strong high up in my tower 
before you help me down...

And now i see;

How this uncommon one,
led me to an uncommon place
in my hope for uncommon things
I met my uncommon fall
in a very uncommon way to me.

So now as i look back
i see the fault lies with me
for i stretched my hand back out, 
and lent you my ears.

Ruby Love xxx