Notes

I try to think of why things ended
Seeking for closure in every flash back,
So my heart can move on.

Although it seemed so clear then, why we could never work
I hide my hurt behind my smile and my I-don’t –care attitude that acts like a wall separating me from you.
So that when I see you I can hug you like we’re still friends and what we had didn’t mean a thing. But not too long though, so my actions line up with my words showing I’ve let you go.

So I remind myself of why things ended.
Cause I was too damaged to absorb your words
Too independent to accept any assistance
Too self righteous to admit I could be wrong
To proud to apologise to be anything less than me

I had to be all sufficient or content, not allowing anyone to think they owned a strand on my head talk less of my heart.
I loved you only when you were in my will
I never lost a fight so we had the appearance of compatibility

I had a deficit in my emotion tank, so thank God for technological advancement.
Now you can take a picture or recording of me at my best, to enable you play me back to the good old days.

©SweetestRuby 2012

My interpretation of Love

I don’t know what to tell you, because it seems like words are overrated these days.

I guess because it’s the IT age, everyone seems to be talking, chatting, twittering, messaging, texting but no one is listening.

A man is valued by what he says, and later condemned by the words of another.

So let me make myself clear and I hope you listen.

So am done. Done holding on to your every word.

Clinging on to breath for air, not realising the breath you breathe is toxic CO2 hazardous to my lungs.

Am done looking to your face for approval. ‘Oh how can I please you more?’ Please, please yourself, those are thoughts of the past.

Am liberated from those thoughts which kept me bound with chains of my own ignorance.

Am done believing you like you are the gospel.

Just because you say you love me, then it must be true right?

Not fully understanding what love should feel like, but trusting that you did.

Not knowing you hadn’t a clue what the word ever meant, but taking your cue from the fools before you.

Others like me have degraded words into sounds without meaning.

Into mere slangs like ‘LOL’, ‘totally’, ‘right’, ‘yeah’, ‘I love you’ ... ‘you know what I mean?’

Well no, I don’t know what you mean, cause you don’t mean what you say.

Love should enlighten, but I was lost in the dark.

Love is patient and kind, more word you’re unfamiliar with.

It doesn’t envy or boast, but your’s had jealousy and free guilt trips as side effects.

Love puts others first independent of gender.

It isn’t easily angered, so don’t step up to me saying the reason you boil up easily is because I put you on hot coals.

I won’t stick around for ‘True Lies’ the sequel, for I am attracted to the Truth, the way , the life.

Lastly, love keeps no records of wrongs.

So I will spit you out like a cold cup of bitter coffee allowing you to wash away like dirt on yesterdays laundry.

Letting go of your sweet empty words, and holding on to Him who loved me before my birth, then  gave up His life in order to save mine and now intercedes for me 24/7.

So, if you think you love me, you better be able to match HIS, otherwise just Shut Up!


©SweetestRuby 2012