How do you know ?

How do i know? I saw the signs...
You know how there's that one person u always want around u,
that you always want to speak to,
that will always has your back.
Breathing in the same air as them makes you giddy,
being around them makes u smile,
holding them makes u feel safe..
And no matter what they do you still think highly of them..

Well that's how I know

Naive

This is us, from your point of view..
Naive is what I was, when I got with you again.
Believing we were the perfect match.
That we completed one another..
Believing that we could go back to the way things were..
I've outgrown such thoughts now.
Whether you admit it or not I'm not the one...
you settled for me..
I'm no longer naive enough to believe that I was your one true love..
Denying there was another..
Denying how you felt..
Denying the actions of the past.
Or should I say, burying it..
That's all part of the process of constructing innocence..
I'll let you decipher the process..
You think I'm insecure.. I tell you I'm not..
I'm comfortable with things however they turn out.
Insecurity isn't something I give much attention to these days..
I'm prepared for the worst..
Not as naive as I was before,
Believing some of the constructed truths you led me to believe.

(C) @adegrace_buko

On my own

By Eponine from Les miserables

This is another song I fell for when I watched the stage play. By the way I love all things musical.

Here are the lyrics:

And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

The man I love

By Ella Fitzgerald

So I'm having a jazz filled morning, and decided to go listen to my favourite voices

This one is by the fabulous Ella Fitzgerald :

Someday he'll come along
The man I love
And he'll be big and strong
The man I love
And when he comes my way
I'll do my best to make him stay
He'll look at me and smile
I'll understand
Then in a little while
He'll take my hand
And though it seems absurd
I know we both won't say a word
Maybe I shall meet him Sunday
Maybe Monday, maybe not
Still I'm sure to meet him one day
Maybe Tuesday will be my good news day
He'll build a little home
That's meant for two
From which I'll never roam
Who would, would you
And so all else above
I'm dreaming of the man I love

Acting rich & living broke

Living rich while being broke

Growing up, my parents sacrificed alot to ensure i could secure a good future. my mum, would go without certain luxuries she was rightfully entitled too to ensure that not only did i get a good education but the best education she could afford. This, i remember her saying was her investment. I hear

my friends tell of similar stories.

 

Now am all grown up, and i look around i see a different culture developing. Young people seem more interested in investing satisfying their present wants, wants that constantly change with the seasons. The only investments i hear of are investments in a few good boots, nice bags and weaves that can last a " lifetime"  or until the next big sale, which ever comes first. People are totally consumed by this consumerism culture, of having everything that we can't afford.

 

It's a sad view, when you see a young adult looking fabulous head to toe dressed in the latest designer gear yet unable to afford a decent meal. Its even sadder when you see their peers  living  in secret envy of that persons lifestyle.

 

Has the appearance of fabulousity as I like to call it become more important than saving for a rainy day?

When  did credit become the new debit?

And budgets become the minimum spend?

this viscous cycle not only happens among peer-pressured youths like us, but also with companies aswell, and can be to blame for the credit crunch.

 

I remember when i was broke and job hunting, people constantly encouraged me to make use of my credit card under the banner of it improving my credit limit. Not remebering to advice how i would afford to pay it back with no income, then i heard i could do balance transfers and all sorts. I had to stop and think, is my so called friend actually setting me up for a fall? Why would i spend money i didnt have and had no idea where i would get it from anytime soon? 

 

It seems our generation are prefere to invest in the present appearance, in clothes and things which will end up in bins, charity shops or the back of our wardrobe, living each day for today which no thought for tomorrow.

 

I blame the media, we are constantly made to think that looking fabulous is the only wo way to be.. am not saying we shud be dressed in sack clothes and look dull or unattractive, I do think we shud have the fine things in life aslong as we can afford it.

 

over the years, ive picked up a simple rule that has helped me manage my money effectively, which i am willing to share. 

It's give, save and live!

Firstly, i have 2 accounts, a current and a savings account.

then each month, i give 10% to my church or towards charity/ people less fortunate

i put 30% into my savings account

leaving me 60% to live on for the month.

 

If you dont pay rent, then, your monthly expenses should not exceed 60% each month

If you do pay rent, your rent and bills should not be grerater than 37% of your income. if it is your living above your means. this will live you with 23% for transport and food, anything left can be spent on 'luxury' (assuming you don't have any debts to pay off).

 

If you have dept and intend on paying it of, i will suggest, you save 15% and put 15% plus any 'extra luxury money' towards paying it off.  

 

In life there is a balance,

Let's not let other peoples opinion become our reality. 

Copyright  Sweetest ruby 2013

You were supposed to love me

U were supposed to love me 

Although u never did 

U were supposed to love me

Without any excuse

Now uve come to see what's left

Well u can have all that's left 

There's no way you can fix this

Cos u have no idea what's wrong.

Cos u were supposed to love me and u took the easy way out.

Copyright Sweetest ruby 2013

I Feel..

How do I feel?

Sometimes I don’t know how I feel.

Like the words have not been formed and nothing in the dictionary comes even close

Sometimes I don’t feel high or low.

Like am at the edge or something,

About explode with joy or implode from pain.. but I never know which.

So am still.

What causes us to feel anyway, and why is there so much hype about feelings anyway

We give it to much control

It’s the little button which control our moods and how we behave..

It get all the credit and the blame

The original puppet master, oh but you’d never guess.

They say the truth shall set you free

Its like fresh breeze on a humid day

Cool water after the dessert sun.

See the truth about feelings is that they are unreal

They are made up from a collation of instant decisions we make in our mind

And they can grow and fester within the boundaries we set or fail to

True these thoughts may  be triggered by external conditions, some beyond our control , some as a result of someone elses ‘feelings’

Its up to us the way we allow ourselves to react to our feelings.

Today I thought I felt something a bit like loneliness, although I was in the mist of friends

A string of pity thoughts led to this feeling I couldn't describe, all I know was it sucked my energy, smile and my good posture.

The longer I thought, the worse I felt.

Then I stopped...

Then it stopped.


©SweetestRuby 2013