Notes

I try to think of why things ended
Seeking for closure in every flash back,
So my heart can move on.

Although it seemed so clear then, why we could never work
I hide my hurt behind my smile and my I-don’t –care attitude that acts like a wall separating me from you.
So that when I see you I can hug you like we’re still friends and what we had didn’t mean a thing. But not too long though, so my actions line up with my words showing I’ve let you go.

So I remind myself of why things ended.
Cause I was too damaged to absorb your words
Too independent to accept any assistance
Too self righteous to admit I could be wrong
To proud to apologise to be anything less than me

I had to be all sufficient or content, not allowing anyone to think they owned a strand on my head talk less of my heart.
I loved you only when you were in my will
I never lost a fight so we had the appearance of compatibility

I had a deficit in my emotion tank, so thank God for technological advancement.
Now you can take a picture or recording of me at my best, to enable you play me back to the good old days.

©SweetestRuby 2012

My interpretation of Love

I don’t know what to tell you, because it seems like words are overrated these days.

I guess because it’s the IT age, everyone seems to be talking, chatting, twittering, messaging, texting but no one is listening.

A man is valued by what he says, and later condemned by the words of another.

So let me make myself clear and I hope you listen.

So am done. Done holding on to your every word.

Clinging on to breath for air, not realising the breath you breathe is toxic CO2 hazardous to my lungs.

Am done looking to your face for approval. ‘Oh how can I please you more?’ Please, please yourself, those are thoughts of the past.

Am liberated from those thoughts which kept me bound with chains of my own ignorance.

Am done believing you like you are the gospel.

Just because you say you love me, then it must be true right?

Not fully understanding what love should feel like, but trusting that you did.

Not knowing you hadn’t a clue what the word ever meant, but taking your cue from the fools before you.

Others like me have degraded words into sounds without meaning.

Into mere slangs like ‘LOL’, ‘totally’, ‘right’, ‘yeah’, ‘I love you’ ... ‘you know what I mean?’

Well no, I don’t know what you mean, cause you don’t mean what you say.

Love should enlighten, but I was lost in the dark.

Love is patient and kind, more word you’re unfamiliar with.

It doesn’t envy or boast, but your’s had jealousy and free guilt trips as side effects.

Love puts others first independent of gender.

It isn’t easily angered, so don’t step up to me saying the reason you boil up easily is because I put you on hot coals.

I won’t stick around for ‘True Lies’ the sequel, for I am attracted to the Truth, the way , the life.

Lastly, love keeps no records of wrongs.

So I will spit you out like a cold cup of bitter coffee allowing you to wash away like dirt on yesterdays laundry.

Letting go of your sweet empty words, and holding on to Him who loved me before my birth, then  gave up His life in order to save mine and now intercedes for me 24/7.

So, if you think you love me, you better be able to match HIS, otherwise just Shut Up!


©SweetestRuby 2012

Farewell Song

So you sang me a song to relay how you felt,

If I say I wasn’t surprised, then I’d tell you a lie.

Left your song on repeat, just to make out some sense,

Thinking why you had to come just to leave me in the lurch.

I haven’t moved an inch, I’m still standing here,

You knew where I was right from the very start.

Now you’re gone and I can’t help missing you.  

But if you asked if I did, you know I’d definitely lie.

I find myself looking out into the streets,

Thinking maybe I’ll spot you and wave like it’s all a big surprise.

Passing through the places you like, doing all the things you did,

Looking at my phone once, twice, fives time a minute.

Just in case I missed u seeing me pass by.

But now I’ve come to realise, that you’re not coming back.

And no I can’t change me, so I accept my fate.

You were never meant to last a day longer than you did.

And am grateful for the little time we spent,

You taught me a lot in such a little space of time.

I didn’t always treat you fair, but I always cared.

I guess that what makes us all the people that we are today.

Maybe one day I’ll see you or maybe I never will.

I pray whatever we do we’ll live happy fulfilled lives.

And when we both grow old we’ll tell the story of our youth.  

©SweetestRuby 2011

Tick Tock

Counting down the seconds till you’re gone,

So I can say hello to tomorrow

You can’t stay, no not with me.

I won’t be your fool a day too long

Am moving on with the hands of time,

I can’t be wound, am forward bound.

If you see me clearly now, better take a picture,

Because the time is fast approaching when even binoculars won’t offer u a glimpse.

Am here right now but not forever,

I’ve got greater hand pulling me higher.

I know Big guys,

Can you imagine he who can spin the Milky Way on his finger

Who can quash the earth because it’s his footstool?

Who is, was and will never change...

Now imagine, am the apple of his eye.

I wouldn’t try to piss me off

And you devils don’t like me because am a fighter,

The feeling is more than mutual because its a hater.

Am holding on to the promise,

Am linked on more tightly than the skinniest jeans.

And you can take it from me,

You can’t break me, because you didn’t make me.

Tick, tick, tick... Your time is up. Now get out.




©SweetestRuby 2011

I Was Here

I’ve got to make my mark!

To show my difference, affect the world around me,

To cause a change, because the Almighty changer is in me.

I don’t conform to society’s standards, no, am not on that level.

I’m alien, a higher breed. I can’t fit in, I wasn’t made to.

Am outstanding, made to shine bright.

I don’t follow the blind, I live for the Light.

Share some love, give someone life and live right

So at the end, it’ll be obvious I was here.

Use your skills to make the world better.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a step,

Building skyscrapers starts with a single brick,

Nothing is impossible, if you can see beyond the visible.

So I’ll take my step in faith never looking back.

This type of life His vision I mustn’t lack.

I’ll keep P.U.S.H.ing* loving God and all around.

So when my time is up, and the race is done,

The world would be better off because I Was Here.

Leave your mark. Make a difference. Less talk, more Action.

(*P.U.S.H – pray until something happens)




©SweetestRuby 2011

Shouting out for Freedom

I see you shouting out for freedom

Your veins protruding from your neck, as one in violent labour.
Yet it seems so distant it can barely be heard
Like a whisper in a rave.
You sold yourself to slavery,
Paid a man to take your soul.
Now you’re empty left alone, crippled with only your voice
All that you’ve ever needed.

 I hear you shouting out for freedom

it seems am the only one who does.
The chains it seems are out of fashion,
But you bound yourself up all by yourself,
And now your jewellery has made you its home.
Slowly all was striped from you even though you offered it anyway.
But we could never change what was meant to be,
We never had the power to.
The courses and collisions en route was meant as preparation,
We’re living in the dark, it’s how we’ve lived since birth,  
Blinded but still looking for a way out, bound down but hoping to step forward

I feel you shouting out for freedom

Your screams vibrating through my very being,
Causing my own thoughts to shudder.
If you’ve never known light, you’d think darkness is right
But in the dark no one can see you to help you
Ignorance leads to destruction and knowledge to freedom
Find the truth and it shall set you free.



©SweetestRuby 2011

My family's summer

Ms Thomas feat the Erinles, Irefos and Thomas's (2009)